3 posts tagged “movies”

My sister and I have never got on.  Our dysfunctional love-hate relationship began when I was about six, and she stopped being a new 'doll' to play with, as she grew into the hair-pulling toddler-age.

She's family, she's my baby sister - and I'll stand behind her, I'll fight her fights for her and I'll rip the balls off any man who tries to mess her around.  I love her.  But I don't exactly like her.  And the feeling is absolutely mutual.

Chalk and cheese doesn't even begin to describe us.  My pot-smoking, loud-mouthed tart of a little sister speaks to my parents in ways that I would never even contemplate.  Her 'punk/emo' dress sense and dodgy blonde highlights make me cringe, and her boyfriends are, without fail, intolerable.

She dropped out of college a few weeks before her final exams, and began (after a year of doing absolutely fuck-all) a job working in a dead-end admin job.  Night after night she would (and still does) come home and relay how 'stressful' her job was.  She'd then march down to the pub, come home wasted - and be at least an hour late for work every morning.  How she manages to keep that job, I will never know..  But recently, I've seen a change.

Her tiny plaid mini-skirts, complete with multiple chains and skull keyrings, have been occasionally exchanged for clothing that would be viewed as 'acceptable' for work (i.e. clothing that doesn't scream 'prostitution').  She's very slowly realising that her boyfriend is a waste of space - and while she loves him, that doesn't excuse the fact that he's an arsehole. 

My baby sister seems to be (gradually) growing up.  About time too..

Since the other-half has been away, I have admittedly become reasonably boring.  A year ago, you'd have found me crawling home from clubs at 6am, or dancing on tables with my clan of close male friends.  I had a reputation for being a 'party girl'.  Opening nights for clubs and bars were attended without fail, and I could drink most people under the table. 

And now?  My best friend is suddenly my mother.  I've taken up scrapbooking and I can't remember the last time I went to a decent bar.  I swapped my slutty knee boots and mini skirts for knee-length office attire (with slutty-knee-boots underneath, for good measure).  Somewhere along the line, I got old.  I got mundane

The final kick in the teeth, was a comment my sister made to my mother - which was kindly relayed to me:
        "Don't you think she should make some friends or something?  I mean, she hangs out with you.  That's not normal."

I moved cities under a year ago - and left my friends behind.  I know people here, but I don't really have any desire to spend my free time with them.  I work hard during the week - I don't have time for a social life.  Weekends, I want to relax (and admittedly, cram a bit of work in where I can).  I've swapped cosy nights on the sofa with the other-half, for cosy nights on the sofa with my mum.  Why?

I'm lonely.  It's not that I've swapped the party-girl lifestyle for something second-rate.  I love coming home from work, cooking dinner for the other-half and I - sharing a bath and curling up to watch crap tv all evening.  After spending years sharing each other with our group of friends - we finally have a place of our own, a bit of privacy - and a lot of quality time.  But with him away travelling and my social circle in another city - I'm flying solo.

Quite honestly, I'd much rather spend the weekend with my mum and multiple bottles of good red wine - than spend it in dodgy pubs with people who don't really interest me.  My mum really is my best friend.  We laugh at the same things, we get drunk after two glasses of wine - and we gossip about the old-times and the people we both know.  I never really read anything into that.  Since I moved, all my time has been spent with the other half, or with my family.  That's why I moved.  After years of being away from the people I loved the most - it was time to come 'home' and spend time with the people who really mattered - my family. 

However, I'm not going to pretend that my sister's comment didn't hit me like a smack in the face.  Is it really 'not normal' to want to spend time with my mother instead of whoring it up in bad nightclubs with 'acquaintances'?  The way I spend my free time has changed.  After a week at work - I'm quite simply too knackered to want to do anything but relax and have some 'me' time.

After my mother told me of the 'not normal' comment that my sister made.  I had a brief "oh God, my little sister thinks I'm really boring..." moment.  I concluded that I might be boring, but I wasn't bored.  With the other-half away - I needed company that wasn't false.  I needed my best friend.  My mum.

You can imagine my horror last night - when my sister called me and mumbled, "So uh, what are you doing on Saturday night?"  My sister, who spends her saturday nights with her boyfriend and group of friends, drinking vodka, smoking pot and 'swaying' to noise that quite simply does not pass as music - wanted to know what I was doing Saturday night.

My answer - "Nothing..." - was met with, "Didn't think so.  Do you want to like, uh.. Hang out or something?" 

I almost dropped the phone.  Despite being totally alone in my living room - I raised an eyebrow and replied, "Hang out?  What, me and you?"

My sister told me that she was at a 'loose end' this Saturday.  Her boyfriend was away, her friends were all busy - and she wondered if I would like to 'watch some movies and uh, like, drink some... wine?"

She doesn't drink wine.  She drinks vodka.  Or alcopops (usually with vodka chasers).  She doesn't watch movies - she watches MTV, and she is never under any circumstances at a 'loose end' on a Saturday night.

I was tempted to tell her that I was busy - that I didn't really want to spend a Saturday night sat on my sofa in silence with her.. But I was brought up with manners - and replied, "Sure, that sounds good."

As I hung up the phone, I realised what had just happened.  I was no longer looking out for my baby sister - my baby sister, despise disliking me even more than I did her - was looking out for me.  I had been given the pity vote.  My reward?  Saturday night with Wednesday Adams' twin.

I've spent most of today replaying our short conversation, over and over.  I'm filled with a sense of loyalty and love, suprised that she would even notice that I'm lonely and at a constant 'loose end' without the other-half or the company of my usual group of friends.  On the other hand, I am utterly mortified that my little sister would take pity on my social life - to the point where she would actually feel that she needs to spend time with me.  Utterly. Mortified.

Sure, we love each other.  But quite honestly, we can't stand each other.  More to the point, she can't stand movies or wine.  Rather than tell her to shove her pity vote up her backside - I'm so touched that she'd actually care - that I'm going to spend Saturday night pretending that my other-best-friend, is my little sister.

Her reaction to my cautious reply was laced with false excitement, "Great.  I'll bring my toothbrush.."

So not only will we be spending Saturday night in each other's company - we'll be having a sleepover.  I can't find the words to express how utterly over joyed I am.  Really.   Heh.

God, I hope she brings pot. 

I've noticed something recently.. Well to be specific, I 'noticed' it somewhere inamongst the hangover ridden excuse of an Honours Degree education..   I was just too busy drinking cocktails and avoiding research, to find enough motivation to actually think about it.

Women in the media (I'm referring to women on TV and in movies, in particular)..  They get dumped.. Do they get even, or they accept that the relationship is over?

Sometimes.

Do they crack open a horrible expensive bottle of wine and drink the lot in under an hour?  Or do they call their friends and sob down the phone for hours, plotting the death of the culprit-ex-boyfriend.

Sometimes...

But first of all?  They eat.

And those who aren't shown to do it first, do it whilst carrying out one of the above tasks (or something similar).

Does that reinforce the idea that food = comfort?  Because to me, that tells us all that the way to cope with heartache, is to stuff a burger, three donuts and a tub of icecream down their necks.

Doesn't it reinforce the idea that to be alone is a terrible terrible thing, and we should instantly all drown ourselves in junk food and sad music?

Admittedly, after being dumped horribly, I have been known to eat an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, hidden under a duvet listening to Sinead O Connor's Nothing Compares To You.

 

I am part of the cliche.. 

Infact, when I first saw the Bridget Jones movie - I watched in horror as I saw this horrific drunken mess sing All By Myself at full pelt in her living room after a bottle of wine.  The torture of being dumped, being alone - can drive us all to be self destructive.  We eat crap, we sing along to stupid music, and we burst into tears whenever we see something that reminds us of him.  Yes, love can hurt.  But surely, we should be crying it all out, then moving on and getting on with it.  Not sobbing because we're alone, but sobbing because of what we have lost.  You mourn for the loss of a relationship, then realise that he was a bastard anyway, and you get over it.

But why is it that almost every single time I see a female on TV get dumped - I see her reach for comfort food?  Why do all the women in the media seem to fail at being alone?   

What's so bad about your own company?

I like my own company.  I'm perfectly capable of entertaining myself.  But, as much as I need some 'me' time every now and again - I like the company of a significant other.  I like having a man to snuggle up to.  That doesn't mean that I'm afraid of being alone.  It means that I choose not to be, because I have someone who cares about me, and someone who I care for.  If that relationship was negative, I would rather be single.

And that is precisely what I can't understand.  Why do so many women stick with useless men, simply because they don't think they can 'do any better', or that 'they don't like being alone'.  What are they so afraid of?

I've been in a long term relationship for four and a half years, and I can barely remember what it's like to be single.  But I remember spending alot of my time being single, wishing that I had someone.  Back then, I probably wasn't mature enough to realise that just because we're made to feel like we should have a man, because we're made to feel that men give women validation - that I didn't have to follow that example.

The media generally shows single women as either (a) striving to find a man, or (b) having lots of fun whilst dating numerous men and sleeping around.  A representation of a single woman who is not looking for, or dating a man (or men), is seldom seen.  In my opinion, this only reinforces the idea that to be single, is to fail. 

And in all honesty, a good few of my teenage years were wasted on dating useless men, simply because I felt the need to have someone.

Now, I realise that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single.  You have freedom.  You have choices to make and opportunities to grasp, and you don't have to think about anyone but yourself.

How can that possibly be a negative thing?

I'm not single.  And I don't intend to become single.  I have a partner who I love and who loves me.  The idea of being single again doesn't frighten me.  But the idea of losing him is unbearable.  That's the difference between wanting someone and making do with anyone. 

Relationships require work.  Hard work.  But some relationships are quite simply doomed. and no amount of hard work can rescue them.  In my opinion, if you rely on a man for validation or you're stuck in a negative relationship because you don't want to be alone..  Then perhaps you would benefit from working on the relationship that often needs the most work..  The one that's the most important of all the relationships you'll ever have..

The one you have with yourself.