4 posts tagged “bugs”

As the article from the previous post explained.. Not only have we had an influx (influx! Even the word makes me panicky..) of crane flies (due to a lack of wasps this summer), we're going to get an influx (eeee!) of great big fat spiders.. Which are fat on account of gobbling up all the crane flies.

Why is this interesting? Why do I care? Firstly, because, EWWWW. I can't deal with bugs. I'm a girl. It simply is not my job to deal with them. That's what men are for. Secondly, because guess what is residing outside the spare bedroom window?

Oh! Only an great big spider.. Which, is too far across to be knocked down, and so has been living there for four days.. :\ Not even the torrential rain has removed that bugger.

So not only do I have to deal with flying beasties, but big fat spiders too. Joy...

I'm not liking this. I dislike bugs at the best of times.. But influxes of bugs? Bloated bugs? That's just silly.

After a short discussion about the beasts, I was directed to this blog

So there we have it. Mystery solved.. It's not a beast, it's a crane fly. And we're having an INFLUX of them.

Oh. Fucking. Excellent.

I hate them. They're all big and gangly, with their nasty wings.. Oh, and they lay eggs. EGGS! What the hell? I'm never opening a window again.

Photographic evidence of the beasts I murdered yesterday..

This one is sat watching me through my bedroom window.

I've never seen them before. I don't know what they are.. But they're HUGE.. And horrid.

I can't deal with beasts. Especially ones that size..

Still sick. But I do feel a bit better..

Although.. It would help if I could open my windows!

Let me explain..

Last night, I had the windows open, but no light on.. Just one candle, inside an oil burner.. So it's not even all that light.. Then this TARANTULA flies through my window - which, I might add, was only open a crack.. That thing must have pulled some weird Matrix shit to fit through that gap.. Anyway, in it flies.. The size of my palm (granted, I have small hands, but still..), with enormous spindly legs and these weird little flitty wings.. It made a *bbbbbbffffffffftttttttttt*noise when it moved. It was loud, and it made me want to cry like a baby. But, being on my own.. I had no option but to man the fuck up, and either set this beast free, or just slap it to death with whatever I could find. So, I find an Argos book, and promptly beat the living daylights out of it, squealing "eeeee! eeee! eeeee!" as I do so. Not because I'm some sort of Banshee, but because, come ON, it was HUGE!

So, I'm feeling all smug. Because I conquered this bitch of an insect. Then a few minutes later, it's friend comes in. Except this one flies through the window, smacks itself on my bedroom wall, and proceeds to fly about in a drunken manner. It probably had concussion.. Good. Hah! Perhaps if I'd let it live, it would have gone back and told all its flying-tarantula friends that it's just not cool to be flying through windows at that speed - it leads to head injuries. But, I didn't let it live. I waited for it to finally stop racing about, and sit down. Then I beat it to death with a La Redoute catalogue (which I deeply, deeply regret.. Because I hadn't actually read it yet).

Two's enough. Right? Wrong! Tonight, I didn't even open my bedroom window. I open the spare bedroom window. At the entire other side of the house. The light is off, the hall light is off, my bedroom light is off.. Infact, there are no lights. Anywhere. Just the light from my laptop (which really isn't all that much). And lo and behold, another one of those little fuckers charges in, and starts buzzing around my room.

What is it about my bedroom that attracts these beasts? Seriously?

I was bored of beating them to death with catalogues I hadn't even read yet.. So instead, I told the little bastard, "I am fucking TIRED of this." and proceeded to stab it to death with a four inch heel. Nice.

....I know it's cruel. I know Karma will come back to me on it.. But, for God's sake.. I'm a girl! I can't be beating huge insects to death everyday! I barely do it at all. I squeal and demand that a boy/man does it.. Not because I can't beat anything to death, just because.. Well, I don't want to touch the dirty insects, ok?

See, I'm quite used to thinking, "What the fuck is that doing in my bedroom?!"
It's just, I don't want to have to stab things to death.. Hell, if I had stab things to death every time that sentence had entered my mind....